Love letter? (to self)

That might end up looking more like a page of a journal (oh, how many years has it been? That seems so nostalgic atm)...

It's funny, ending up writing bits and thoughts of a troubled mind - not so troubled tbh, just a bit stressed out! After all, the year for a lifelong student/teacher like me is always starting now. I wish sometimes I were more like a "real" musician, they don't know shit of months, seasons, years...All they need to do is fucking practise! Yes, that's right..it kicks right back! The feeling of unworthiness, of doing mere, simple things as a pianist but hell, do I have work as a teacher (fuck yea, shoutout to those monthly paychecks!). Where is the love in that, will you (oh, poor you, poor reader, if only there were none) probably wonder!

It's always there and nowhere. Everybody is talking now about self-care, self-love, taking some time off to recharge and all those things. Seriously, the moment a pianist (aka me) takes even a single moment to lay back and solve a fucking Sudoku, guilt kicks in: I should be practising, shouldn't I? But, come on, I've been working my ass off to actually make ends meet..Don't I deserve it? Welcome to the fucking hipster/millenial/adult life of a pianist/piano teacher!!!! Yes you do deserve it, and no..you actually SHOULD be practising!!!

-Still looking for some love-

I kinda missed this. I started a couple of weeks ago journaling in a, you know, actual paper journal. The result was pretty much what all these vloggers were suggesting: yes, getting some time to write down some thoughts, emptying your mind and, as a result...hand hurts! Lol, not really self-care, is it? I haven't been writing much lately! (Shame)

So what's the point of a love letter in the end? Will it be eye-opening in the future, when I'll come back and read it? Should I probably just write it and NEVER look back again? Is it just to put some thoughts on a -digital- paper so that they won't cause me further headache? I am not an overthinker, I just like talking to people and, frankly, there's not much people around me lately. I wonder if I was always a super extrovert with spritzes of introvert - or the opposite!!! I can't relate to anything lately, so I don't know exactly what kind of self-care routine to follow. Is just putting thoughts on black and white effective enough? (For sure it might improve my grammar knowledge)

I don't know if there's anybody out there that would actually read a blogpost like that. Maybe it's friends from old, old, very old time (the time when I actually opened the blog and it was in Greek...such innocent times)...Maybe it's completely strangers, who knows...I still see the counter hitting up, so I guess there's people here and there that might stumble upon this "love" letter...I thank you, at least there's somebody who reads my thoughts. I like journaling but I appreciate a pair of ears (or eyes) much more to be honest. In those lonely, digital (so busy) times, thank you for even taking 2 minutes of your time to read this. If by any chance you related (fellow pianists unite!), you know the struggle. If you feel that you wasted time, well..it can happen. I don't always talk or hear things that interest me!

In any case, that's only 1 letter, 1 journal page. I'd rather type than write (sometimes). There's good chance you might read something else, similar to that!

Until then...



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